Post by Tony Savage on Oct 23, 2017 16:29:35 GMT -5
Hey, kiddos. Your dear ol' Uncle T here, with my erstwhile premiere cameraman Landon
Hi!Landon waives at the camera, adjusting his glasses.
Front office at Premiere thought it'd be swell to bring along Landon here and film what I do in my off time time! It'll be awesome!
Cool! Does that mean training montages or fan meet and greets?!
Oh, L....:Tony laughs and pats him on the back.That is so quaint...and stereotypical. No...
Me and the gang from Savage Solutions is going to Mogadishu to raid a Somali pirate enclave and capture or kill every dirty 3rd world motherfucker with a machete and a bad attitude we find in the place!
Landon's asshole puckers up so badly, it nearly collapses on itself:Wait....WHAT???!!!
Yeah, why you think I bought all that life insurance for you behind your back, huh? Oh, and you might want to wear brown or dark khaki pants for a few days; your body will loosen all it's bodily fluids at once when you die, especially from violent means, and don't get captured, neither...
Spoiler Alert: They like teh raping and genital mutilation of hostages!
Eeek....
See you on the tarmac Wednesday, L!
Landon watches Tony walk off, then:This shit is NOT worth 6 college credits and my own parking spot!
Next week: #3 FUCK JOHNNY DEPP, SAVVY!?!
A Premiere Fighting Exclusive, only on FOX SPORTS!!
Last Edit: Oct 23, 2017 16:29:53 GMT -5 by Tony Savage
Post by Tony Savage on Oct 27, 2017 16:00:24 GMT -5
Mogadishu, Somalia Friday, 0900 hrs Local Time
Not long, Tony and his crew are about to embark on a truly treacherous endeavor, and he wants to ensure him and his boys are in prime condition. Savage Solutions took up temporarily residence in an old fortress dating back to Islamic raiders from Arabia centuries ago. What better place to prep for an attack against a hostile force?
But Tony is not pleased with how one of his fellow soldiers of fortune is handling his hand to hand business:Fucking Hell, Ortega; you might as well be Instagraming what the fuck you're going to throw next.
Tony picks him up from the ground and dusts him off: Ramon, you got the strength, and the drive, but it's like everything I tell you goes in one ear, out the other.
I don't need help....
Bull...fucking...shit; I've been tossing you around like a Frisbee the last 5 minutes. It's like you're getting worse every second. Look, I don't want to see you get killed, or get others killed because you can't get this shit! You don't want to assume because you're better trained than your opponent, you're just gonna stomp them....
The stubborn former Marine finally got the gist; after another 15 minutes, his attacks became crisper, quicker, and less predictable.He still didn't get Tony down, but he came close.
See; it's okay to admit when you need help. If I didn't, wouldn't be where I am now.
Tony; the lab geeks are here, and they brought the Business Suit!
Fuck yeah! Hey, Landon, bring your camera and your narrow ass over here; I'ma show you some shit that'll blow your mind!
Tony, excited as a school-girl, heads to the back of the old fortress. Tony hired some eggheads from M.I.T. to help with R&D for Savage Solutions. These nerds are pumping out some dope shit, such as turning Tony's Halloween costume into...
Holy sheep shit, man! That thing is bananas!
Yeah, I know, very comic book geeky. For over nine months, these boys, Abed and Martin, they've been modifying it in an attempt to sell the Army a new prototype battle suit. Boys, what you been cooking up in the kitchen for Uncle T?
Abed and Martin practically fistfight each other for a chance to explain to the boss, but when they realize Tony's getting irritated, Abed chimes in:Boss, we laminated the metal plating with Kevlar mesh, subbed out the fabric with a poly-fiber similar to Under Armor, but more resilient. This stuff can resist temps from -20 Celsius to 85 C, or nearly 185 degrees Fahrenheit....
Plus, put on the helmet....
Tony slaps on the face-plate, and:Damn; this is some Tony Stark shit.
4k vision resolution and Heads Up Display, a voice command application that lets you switch vision modes, true infra-red, night vision, UV....
Tony tries UV, and:Holy shit. And I thought I was over-paying you geeks. This is crazy!
Mind you, the suit's going to be a bit stiff due to its ballistics resistance...
I don't mind a bit of chafing; long as I don't get shot to shit! Fucking Hell, boys, if this shit works, we're going to make a killing off the design!
Later, that night, just a few hours before the mission, Tony and his lab rats are jointly helping Savage don his armor. As components are being assembled, Landon can't help but ask:You sure you want me along for this? I'm not sure I'm cut out for combat photography....
A man doesn't know what he's capable of until he tries it. Look at me; I'm slapping myself in an untested and expensive as hell ninja suit. Besides, you need this.
What do you...
I'm saying, you're kind of a pussy fart, L.
I resent that...
First off, that statement you just let crap out your poutine hole doesn't help your argument. Second, you see that little hottie you've been light stalking at school and on Facebook got moist between the hips when you told her you were going off to help me kick some pirate ass? She started looking at her bf like he was baby shit; him and his gym show muscles and shit tattoos.
Are you insinuating I should use this as an excuse to steal my lab partner's girl?
He ain't your lab partner; he cheats off your work, then clowns you behind your back to his garbage ass friends. And no, I'm not insinuating shit....
I'm flat out telling you to undercut this cock-sucker marinating in too much Axe body spray and get what you want. I learned a long time ago; you want to do shit big, you gotta do what the other guy won't. trust me; I didn't get this far in the game always cutting shitty in-gym shoots or moping about ghosts in fucking graveyards like most of these clown shoes.
Only the innovators become legends; you don't stand out by doing the same fucking shit the other guys are doing.
Tony's emergence in front of his men is nothing less than intense; the nano-second his crew sees the new war ensemble, mouths are gaping, and minds are still wrapping around THIS batch of awesomeness walking towards them...
Damn, Tony! You shoulda wore THAT at the Halloween party; you'da won first!
Boys!;Tony chimes, his voice somewhat strange sounding from the digital amplifier:It's days like this that make me WANT to hop outta bed in the mornings. We all know the plan; we've gone over the details, and we all know our part in this murderous little play of ours...
We've got pirate trash to take out, money to make, and some sweet fucking promo material potential to reap. So, what ya say, kids? Halloween's coming up....*loading and cocking his pistols*....
Let's fill up some bags full of candy asses who think they can FUCK with us!