Post by Tony Savage on Dec 30, 2017 13:07:52 GMT -5
What the hell happened in here, Tony?
The residence of Chris Constantine
Location and date withheld due to obvious legal reasons
Great; just what manager extraordinaire Chris Constantine needed to see after a long work week; a bunch of corpses littered all over his crib. Three in ski masks and tactical gear riddled with bullet holes by the front door, three more in the living room, one of which has what looks like Chris's umbrella stand shoved up his ass, and three more in the kitchen, where he finds, sitting at his dining room table eating his Ben and Jerry's...
What it do, Dub-C? *nom, nom, nom* You know something; Cherry Garcia really hits the spot after one takes down a kidnapping crew.
Chris is borderline freaking out:Do you realize what you did?
Don't have a stroke, Chris: I'll buy you another pint of ice cream as soon as I straighten things out with the cops. By the way: love what you've done with the backyard. i need to get a mesquite barbecue pit like that...
No, you damn lunatic; you turned my house into a friggin' abattoir! There's brains all over my Persian rug!
Hey; not my fault murderous kidnappers don't have enough manners to not expel their brain matter on nice things. I tried to kill them on that nasty ass matt at the front door but...
Wait....did you say kidnappers?
Tony finishes off the ice cream and rinses off the spoon in the sink:Yup; nasty group of Filipino criminals who castrate victims and posts their dongs on Instagram when people don't pay up. Plus, just fucking rude. You should've heard what that short fucker with the scar across his face said about my mother before I disemboweled him with your letter opener.
But what would Filipino kidnappers want with....*sighs*....why do I have the feeling Kurt Newman had something to do with this?
Yeah; preaching to the choir about Kurtsey! Last time I took his hummingbird on crank attention span having ass to Mexico, I had to drop a LOT of cheddar to the federales to straighten that mess out. But, not here to talk about him...
I need somebody to handle some of my wrestling shit.
Wait, did I hear this right? Tony "I don't need some mouthpiece motherfucker taking 10%" Savage saying he needs a manager?
I know, I know, but the situation right now requires me to call in fire support. Look...
Tony digs into Chris's fridge and pulls out some milk, drinking it straight out of the carton:I know I ain't one of those "do it the right way nth generation" morons riding off a family name you think are the only ones capable of doing big things in the game, like your boy Jack Tillman....
Judging by the stunned look on your mug, you didn't think I actually pay attention to promotions outside my operating area, did ya?
You know me; my career is proof that theory is up there in fake moon landing as bullshit. I got a resume that puts the rest of these also ran blue bloods to shame.
Then, why do you need me? Besides eating me out of house and home.
Tony polishes of the cartoon and chucks it in the trash:Well, that's a heck of a thank you for preventing you from getting your junk lopped off in a basement in Manilla. What, one can't make something great even better? As much of a schmuck on wheels as a person I think Kurt was, not gonna lie...
You did a helluva job turning a coked up jackass into a premiere wrestling talent. Now, imagine what you could do with me. A guy that came from nothing wrestling wise and wound up with a bunch trophies to his name. And, frankly, I'm not one of these pure wrestling 24/7 motherfuckers like Jackie; I got shit to do. Mouths to feed, contracts to complete...
People in the D.E.A. and a drug cartel who screwed you over to pay back? Yeah; you're not the only one to reach across the aisle, either.
You see; that's why you need to get on the payroll. We get this partnership going; I'm telling ya, Chris,
with your brains and my talent, we got something potent enough to turn dog shit into plutonium. What ya say, Chris? Fly you up to N.Y., have ourselves one of those fancy dancy press conferences....
Slow down, Tony. I've got quite a few clients and obligations, and there are a lot of variables to this to consider, numbers to cruch...
Tony just smirks, goes over to pick something up, and drops it at Chris's feet....a bowling ball bag stuffed with $100 bills in neatly bound stacks
And upon further review, the numbers look GREAT!! Wow...
Yeah; not many "pure wrestlers" can drop stacks like that no problem, huh? Plus, I threw in some extra for what happened in the bathroom?
More dead crooks in the shitter?
Nah; I accidentally left a double-decker in your toilet that's gonna need profession care to unclog.
*chuckles* I'm telling you; you think all these mangled corpses are nasty, take a whiff of that batch of ass brownies I cooked up. Whew! Stanley Steamer and your plumber are gonna be HATING life when they gotta come in and clean this shit out!